Good Listening = Curiosity + Restraint

drawing of good listening is curiosity and restaint

❝Listen with a goal of understanding others and letting them know you understand.❞ -William Miller

We all want to be good listeners—especially with the people we care about most. But sometimes, our best intentions get in the way. We jump in with suggestions, advice, or our own stories before the other person has even finished their thought.

We mean well. We’re trying to help.

But what actually helps is this: listening with curiosity and restraint.

That’s the balance that allows the other person to feel heard, understood, and supported.

CURIOSITY

Curiosity means approaching a conversation with a sense of genuine interest—not in solving the problem, but in understanding the person.

Think of the last time someone really listened to you—not just your words, but what was underneath them. It felt different, didn’t it? That’s the power of curiosity.

Curiosity might sound like:

“I wonder what made you feel that way.”
“Can you tell me more?”
“What was going through your mind when that happened?”

It’s not about asking perfect questions. It’s about being present and caring enough to keep learning.

Of course, curiosity is only half the equation. The other half is restraint.

Money Scripts® are subconscious beliefs we have about money that we learn these we are growing up in our family systems. A Money Script can be anything, but they tend to fall into four categories. Learn what categories your Money Scripts fall into.

RESTRAINT

Restraint is that moment where you feel the urge to interrupt—to fix, to explain, to share your experience—but you pause. You choose to stay with the other person’s story just a little longer.

That pause builds trust. It sends the message: This moment is about you, not me.

It can be hard, especially when we feel like we have something helpful to say. But offering advice too soon can actually make people shut down or dig in their heels.

There’s even a name for this impulse: the Righting Reflex—the urge to fix someone’s problem before they’re ready.

drawing of righting reflex and fixing reflex from motivational interviewing

When you balance curiosity and restraint, you create a safe space where real connection can happen.

You don’t have to be a therapist or communication expert to do this. You just have to care enough to stay curious, and wise enough to hold back just a little longer than feels natural.

That’s what good listening is.

You get one life; live intentionally.

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