MINDFULLY LISTENING TO EACH OTHER
❝When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.❞ -Dalai Lama
“Are you even listening to me?” Barbara asks.
Chuck, caught off guard, replies, “That’s a weird way to start a conversation.”
We laugh at jokes like this because we recognize the truth in them. Most of us have had moments—whether with a spouse, friend, or coworker—when we realize we weren’t truly listening. We hear words, but our minds are elsewhere, preoccupied with the day’s stress, a phone notification, or what we plan to say next.
But real listening—the kind that makes us feel heard, valued, and understood—is rare. And yet, it’s one of the most important things we can offer each other.
THE NEED TO BE HEARD
Feeling heard isn’t just nice—it’s essential. It connects us, deepens relationships, and makes us feel like we matter. At our core, we all have fundamental psychological needs:
When someone truly listens, they do more than just acknowledge our words. They reflect back understanding, validate our emotions, and create a space where we can fully express ourselves. But how often do we give that gift to others?
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The Five Facet Mindfulness Questionnaire measures your level of mindfulness among five interrelated components. These components are observing, describing, acting with awareness, nonjudgment of inner experiences, and not reactivity to inner experiences. They can be helpful in gaining an understanding of the areas of mindfulness in which you may want to focus. |
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HELPING YOUR PARTNER FEEL HEARD
Distractions are everywhere—our phones, our thoughts, the unfinished to-do list lingering in the back of our minds. It’s easy to be physically present in a conversation but mentally somewhere else.
True listening requires presence. It means resisting the urge to jump in with advice or shift the conversation back to ourselves. It means allowing silence, letting someone finish their thoughts, and resisting distractions.
This doesn’t mean we have to be perfect. Our minds will wander—it’s human nature. The key is to notice when it happens and gently bring our focus back to the person speaking.
Mindful listening isn’t just about hearing words—it’s about creating space for someone to be fully seen and understood. And in a world full of distractions, offering that kind of attention is one of the most powerful ways to show we care.
So, next time someone speaks to you, catch yourself before responding. Be present. Be intentional. And listen—not just to reply, but to truly understand.
You get one life; live intentionally.
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REFERENCES AND INFLUENCES
Dalai Lama & Howard Cutler: The Art of Happiness
Gillihan, Seth: Mindful Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Hanh, Thich Nhat: You Are Here
Hanson, Rick & Richard Mendius: Buddha’s Brain
Harris, Dan: 10% Happier
Harris, Sam: Waking Up
Kabat-Zinn, Jon: Wherever You Go, There You Are
Miller, William: Listening Well
Rosenberg, Marshall: Nonviolent Communication
Sofer, Oren Jay: Say What You Mean
