WHAT MAKES LIFE WORTH LIVING

Derek Hagen
7 minutes ago
5 min read

Hand-drawn word LIFE above a green ground line, with dense brown roots below labeled "Deep Roots (Sources of Meaning)"

❝Turns out not where, but who you're with that really matters.❞ -DMB, "The Best of What's Around"

It's easy to articulate what we don't want out of life. What do you actually want?

ARTICULATE WHAT YOU WANT

One reason Bronnie Ware's The Top Five Regrets of the Dying resonates so deeply is that most of us carry a quiet suspicion that we might be misliving somehow. The regrets are a signal or map of what to avoid.

But knowing what to avoid is only half the work. It's relatively easy to name what we don't want. The harder part is naming what we do want.

Sometimes the switch is simple. "I don't want to be late" becomes "I want to be on time." But with something as large as a life, the flip isn't so clean. "I don't want to die with regrets" doesn't automatically become "and here's what I want instead." That question takes more work.

There's also something worth noting about where you put your attention. Whatever you focus on tends to expand. Focusing on what you don't want keeps your attention on the thing you're trying to avoid. The more useful question — harder to answer, but more generative — is what you actually want your life to contain.

Finding things that bring genuine meaning takes time. But understanding your sources of meaning is the key that unlocks the ability to live a life worth living.

DIVERSIFYING SOURCES OF MEANING

Sources of meaning are where we draw our sense of meaning from. Researchers have identified three dimensions that contribute to a meaningful life: coherence, the sense that life makes sense and isn't purely chaotic; significance, the sense that your life matters right now; and purpose, the sense that you have something meaningful to work toward.

Having activities and relationships that deepen these three areas contributes to your overall sense of meaning.

But just as in investing, you don't want all your meaning coming from a single source. A concentrated position can work out well when everything goes according to plan, but the downside risk is too high. If something blocks your access to that one source, it can take everything with it.

The goal is a diversified portfolio of sources of meaning.

Hand-drawn pie chart divided into 8 sections: Family, Friends, Career, Home, Leaning, Community, Spirituality, Giving; labeled "Common Sources of Meaning"

SHALLOW VERSUS DEEP SOURCES OF MEANING

Here's where the investing analogy gets more useful. Diversifying your investments doesn't mean spreading money across several of your cousin's business ideas. The quality of the investment matters.

The same is true with sources of meaning. A diversified pie chart isn't automatically a good one. It depends on what's in it.

Shallow sources of meaning are extrinsic: things visible from the outside. Fame, money, achievement, status. These aren't worthless; they can contribute to a sense of meaning. But their contribution is limited.

Deep sources of meaning are intrinsic: things you'd pursue even if no one could see you doing them. Inner growth, relationships, making a difference, connection, purpose.

Two hand-drawn 3D rectangular slabs, one short labeled "Shallow Source of Meaning," one tall labeled "Deep Source of Meaning"

The interesting thing is that you can often get more meaning from a deep source that's only partially utilized than from a shallow source you've maxed out.

Two hand-drawn bars: small fully filled, tall partially filled; labeled "More Meaning From Deep Sources, Even If Underutilized"

The Value Compass is designed to help you gain insight into your own values and how they guide your thoughts, feelings, and actions. It can be used to explore your personal goals and motivations, as well as to gain a better understanding of others' values and how they may differ from your own.

PYRAMIDAL VERSUS PARALLEL SOURCES OF MEANING

There's one trap worth naming. You can feel diversified and still be one loss away from collapse.

Meaningful living researcher Elisabeth Lukas identified two types of value systems: pyramidal and parallel. The same distinction applies to sources of meaning.

In a pyramidal system, you have multiple sources of meaning, but they all depend on one core source remaining intact. Everything else is conditional on that one thing.

Stick figure connected to red "Core Source" box in red, branching to four unlabeled "Source" boxes below

If your primary identity is being a parent, and everything else — your friendships, your sense of purpose, your daily structure — only matters because of your family, that's a pyramid.

Stick figure labeled "YOU" connected to red "Family" box, branching to Nature, Friends, Work, Health; shows pyramidal meaning structure

If your entire sense of self runs through your career, and your relationships and purpose all exist within that frame, that's also a pyramid.

Stick figure labeled "YOU" connected to red "Career" box, branching to Family, Friends, Purpose, Health; shows pyramidal meaning structure

This isn't automatically wrong, but it carries real risk. If something happens to that core source, everything else goes with it. And it doesn't have to be a catastrophe. Becoming an empty nester, retiring, losing a job — even ordinary life transitions can collapse a pyramidal system.

Stick figure labeled "YOU" with red *snap* above red "Core Source" box; four dependent Source boxes remain below, labeled in red "No Sources to Take Over"

A parallel system, by contrast, distributes weight more evenly across multiple sources of meaning. No single source is load-bearing for all the others.

Stick figure labeled "YOU" with five parallel branches to Source 1–5 boxes; illustrates distributed, parallel meaning structure

Lose your job and you still have family, friends, health, purpose. The kids leave and you still have work you care about, friendships you've maintained, things you're growing toward. Lose one source and the others remain.

Stick figure connected to five meaning sources; one branch snapped in red with "*snap*"; red text notes "Even If You Lose a Source… Other Sources Remain Intact"

LIVING WITH INTENTION

So that's the framework: quality sources of meaning, diversified, deep, parallel rather than pyramidal.

But that's still abstract. What does a well-diversified, deep, parallel source of meaning actually look like for you specifically — not in general, but in your life?

You get to decide. Not what you think you're supposed to want. Not what looks right from the outside. What would actually contribute to your sense of meaning.

Thinking about this is worth doing. Articulating it is worth doing.

And then you have to go live it.

That's the part nobody can do for you.

You get one life; live intentionally.

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